once again

The past couple of weeks have been very hard around here and I should have been keeping track all along. I will start with tonoc and work my way back. Tonoc, just as Jason was getting ready to leave about 2130 to go coyote hunting with his friend Brian Orwig, he makes mention of me spanking Courtney. It proceeds to an argument b/c I feel like he is trying to say I am hurtful to my child. Which isn’t the case. I did not hurt Courtney and he said that both girls were half scared of me. Which, that wasn’t true either. He said he seen red marks on Courtney from where I spanked her. I did spank her and there was a little red mark from where I did spank her. It wasn’t a welt or anything permenant. By the time she was out of the tub and in her room to be lotioned, you couldn’t see the mark from where I spanked her earlier. He stated the girls were scared of me, however, they went to their room with me, they never said once that they were scared of me. They never complained or clung to him. They did not give any signs of being upset at all. I truly believe he must have left, talked to someone (like his mom) and now he is making out like I hurt Courtney.
I did not hurt Courtney. I gave her 2 small swats on the behind b/c she purposely dumped water out of a cup on the floor of the bathroom while I was changing clothes and went to the bathroom. Normally, if Jason was to see them do this then he would be hugely irate. He also yelled at the girls, esp Courtney when he came in the house. He stated to me that I shouldn’t get mad at them b/c I left them alone in the tub. However, when he was in the house here before he had time to talk with someone, he was in full support that I had spanked Courtney and he was equally as mad.
A couple of weeks ago, he decided to go check on Annie doing her homework and she was texting her friend Jolene. When Jason questioned her – she became defiant and demanded him out of her room and to give back her cell phone. During this time, I had been downstairs with the twins and I brought them upstairs to see what was going on. Once I had the situation between Jason and Annie settled, I put the twins in the tub. Once again, he was back in Annie’s room and the fight was on again. So, I stepped out of the bathroom to see what was going on and I was attempting to get Jason to leave Annie alone. As I think I have that issue settled, he then turns the corner to see Courtney pushing Cadie in the bathtub. He picked Courtney up and spanked her! He hit her multiple times and really quite hard. She was crying actual tears and the red marks on her bottom were there long after the spanking. I didn’t agree with it, however, I didn’t say anything.
When I tried to point out tonoc that he had previously spanked her as well, he kept saying, this isn’t about me. Its about you. I just feel like he is up to something.
I really do not trust the Churchill people. I think they will lie to do anything and everything to remove the girls from me. Jason’s mom has caused so much trouble between us and he doesn’t see it. He wonders why I don’t want the twins around her. Which, it isn’t that I don’t want the twins around her… that is what he says. I just prefer for them to NOT spend the noc there. Though, I have caved and let them stay since Jason threatened to divorce me over it.
I have been in counseling since Oct 2009 and I am still in the same place now that I was then. Even after Jason goes to counseling, he doesn’t listen and now since the counselor told him he was wrong, he doesn’t want to continue.

I really need to write more, but I am really tired and I keep falling asleep. I hope to keep up with this better since we have been having so many big issues lately.